This is officially my last post of 2011. It's my first full year on Blogger, and it's been great. More people at my school than I thought have started reading this, which is both cool and scary. But either way it's been nice to have somewhere that I can actually say what I'm thinking about and know that eventually, someone will read it. If you read this regularly, I just wanted to say thanks.
I hope you guys have a great year. Happy New Year!!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
What's New.
I haven't been able to write recently to fill you in on the boring details of my life. Or on how Christmas was, since I've been really sick. Anyway...
I'm really excited. I feel so, like, adult. (;
My dad took me to get my own bank account today. I'm starting an actual part time job in January so now I have an account to keep my money organized in. I'm so excited! I got my own little check book and debit card! Of course I can only use the money that's in my personal bank account, which isn't much, but still.
Tomorrow if I'm feeling any better I'm going shopping with my mom. I've collected quite a few gift cards with my birthday and Christmas, so I'm can't wait to hit the mall. The only downside to this week is I have to finish an English paper...
I'm the worst when it comes to procrastination. But truthfully, I've been planning on writing it this week. The last month of school was insane for me! Since English is my favorite subject, and I'd much rather write a 5 page paper than do a 2 page Chemistry assignment, (exaggeration, people), I choose to focus on my worst subjects. It was a good idea, because now I have an A in Chemistry. Thank you Jesus! (Beginning of the year I was seriously failing that class.) And assuming I did O. K. on my test, I should be able to keep a A or B average in Chemistry.
Lost my train of thought....
Oh yeah! I got a bunch of gift cards for Christmas, along with a new guitar case :D Yay!!!! I'm learning to play guitar, and I have a gorgeous guitar that I absolutely love, but I've been borrowing my mom's old case. The case is pathetic... Like seriously, I had to duct tape it to keep it shut. Yeah. But now I have a beautiful new one that has lots of fluffy padding inside to protect my guitar.
Also, over Christmas break I made the decision to start driving regularly.
Um, big deal? YES.
Because I've been slacking on the whole learning to drive thing. I'm wayyyy behind. I should have my license already, but I can barely make it around corners. I'm not a bad driver, it's just I haven't been out practicing like I should have been. I've been too scared. Now I've made the decision to start driving constantly. Maybe if I drive every time my family gets into the car, I can get my license by March? April? Eh. I don't know. Either way, I better have it before school lets out.
Hmmm, have I forgotten anything? This is already a long post. But hey, it's been a while.
Oh! Something cool! On Christmas, my family did something they haven't done in a while. I'm told it used to be a family tradition. This year, my parents bought a bunch of five dollar Starbucks cards, then on Christmas day, my immediate family (plus my aunt and my cousins) went out and drove around to different gas stations. We would all get out and give the people working there a Starbucks gift card. The purpose was to give them a gift since they were working on Christmas. It was so cool to see the smiles on they're faces. Some of them were too stunned to say anything.
And one last thing, if you read my blog but aren't a follower... uh, become a follower? haha Not sure why I really care or even why I just asked that, but it would be cool. Whatever.
Okay well, that's what's new with this teenager. Adios. (:
I'm really excited. I feel so, like, adult. (;
My dad took me to get my own bank account today. I'm starting an actual part time job in January so now I have an account to keep my money organized in. I'm so excited! I got my own little check book and debit card! Of course I can only use the money that's in my personal bank account, which isn't much, but still.
Tomorrow if I'm feeling any better I'm going shopping with my mom. I've collected quite a few gift cards with my birthday and Christmas, so I'm can't wait to hit the mall. The only downside to this week is I have to finish an English paper...
I'm the worst when it comes to procrastination. But truthfully, I've been planning on writing it this week. The last month of school was insane for me! Since English is my favorite subject, and I'd much rather write a 5 page paper than do a 2 page Chemistry assignment, (exaggeration, people), I choose to focus on my worst subjects. It was a good idea, because now I have an A in Chemistry. Thank you Jesus! (Beginning of the year I was seriously failing that class.) And assuming I did O. K. on my test, I should be able to keep a A or B average in Chemistry.
Lost my train of thought....
Oh yeah! I got a bunch of gift cards for Christmas, along with a new guitar case :D Yay!!!! I'm learning to play guitar, and I have a gorgeous guitar that I absolutely love, but I've been borrowing my mom's old case. The case is pathetic... Like seriously, I had to duct tape it to keep it shut. Yeah. But now I have a beautiful new one that has lots of fluffy padding inside to protect my guitar.
Also, over Christmas break I made the decision to start driving regularly.
Um, big deal? YES.
Because I've been slacking on the whole learning to drive thing. I'm wayyyy behind. I should have my license already, but I can barely make it around corners. I'm not a bad driver, it's just I haven't been out practicing like I should have been. I've been too scared. Now I've made the decision to start driving constantly. Maybe if I drive every time my family gets into the car, I can get my license by March? April? Eh. I don't know. Either way, I better have it before school lets out.
Hmmm, have I forgotten anything? This is already a long post. But hey, it's been a while.
Oh! Something cool! On Christmas, my family did something they haven't done in a while. I'm told it used to be a family tradition. This year, my parents bought a bunch of five dollar Starbucks cards, then on Christmas day, my immediate family (plus my aunt and my cousins) went out and drove around to different gas stations. We would all get out and give the people working there a Starbucks gift card. The purpose was to give them a gift since they were working on Christmas. It was so cool to see the smiles on they're faces. Some of them were too stunned to say anything.
And one last thing, if you read my blog but aren't a follower... uh, become a follower? haha Not sure why I really care or even why I just asked that, but it would be cool. Whatever.
Okay well, that's what's new with this teenager. Adios. (:
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
My Pathetic Attempts at Acting Like a Girly Girl.
I'm the oldest in my family, so I have no older sister to teach me to curl my hair, paint my nails, or do my make-up. I kind of just have to figure it out as I go. My mom helps me some, but she didn't have an older sister either, so she's not extremely knowledgable on all things girly.
I was doing my make-up this morning and I just wanted to do something different with my hair. Just for fun. I found a curling iron and gave it my best shot... lol.
When my curls ended disastrously, I looked up "how to curl your hair with a curling iron" on youtube.
How pathetic is that? haha
That didn't help, so I called one of my friends. I hope she takes this as a compliment, but she's the most girly person I know(: She always has the right make-up, the right hair, and the right nails. I laughed when she started talking about brands of fake nails and nail beds.
"I really have no idea what you're talking about," I laughed. I told her that I was the oldest and have no big sister to tell me these things. She immediately volunteered to be my "big sister." I got lots of advice from her on which nails to buy and how to curl my hair.
Long story short, I got home today, managed to get make-up in my contacts (resulting in my glasses having to be worn), I barely saved my nails from disaster... and I managed to burn the top of my forehead with the curling iron.
Classic.
It's not like I'm totally oblivious when it comes to looking nice, it's just that I don't know everything about being a girly girl.
I was doing my make-up this morning and I just wanted to do something different with my hair. Just for fun. I found a curling iron and gave it my best shot... lol.
When my curls ended disastrously, I looked up "how to curl your hair with a curling iron" on youtube.
How pathetic is that? haha
That didn't help, so I called one of my friends. I hope she takes this as a compliment, but she's the most girly person I know(: She always has the right make-up, the right hair, and the right nails. I laughed when she started talking about brands of fake nails and nail beds.
"I really have no idea what you're talking about," I laughed. I told her that I was the oldest and have no big sister to tell me these things. She immediately volunteered to be my "big sister." I got lots of advice from her on which nails to buy and how to curl my hair.
Long story short, I got home today, managed to get make-up in my contacts (resulting in my glasses having to be worn), I barely saved my nails from disaster... and I managed to burn the top of my forehead with the curling iron.
Classic.
It's not like I'm totally oblivious when it comes to looking nice, it's just that I don't know everything about being a girly girl.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Escape From Reality?
I found this written down in a binder I kept last year. It was apparently written during a biology class at my old high school. I'm not sure why I wrote it, but I'm assuming it was a pretty difficult day. Anyway, when I found it I had to laugh, because I still believe this to be true. Even when everything is going great.
"Sometimes I think literature is the only successful way to escape from reality; and still return. Maybe that's why I enjoy reading so much."
"Sometimes I think literature is the only successful way to escape from reality; and still return. Maybe that's why I enjoy reading so much."
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Yay!
I'm so excited! This is my last week of my photography class, and I actually got my assignment done early!! I had to take ten portrait shots, and I've already gotten them all done. I also finished my math homework for Monday early. Something that, well, I never do. lol
Now to finish...
- a 3 page paper on Henry V
- a short story rough draft for my English class
- to study for Chemistry mid-terms
- to study for a Bible test
And finally... to study for a huge Spanish test.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Sorry For Being So Negative
I've deleted two blog posts that I posted last week. I got tired of seeing my whiny, complaining side come out in writing... on the Internet... where the whole world can see...
So I'll try to be a little bit more positive from now on; but let's be real, this is a blog about high school. There's gonna be negative moments. I'll try to do what my dad asks me everyday after I come home from school, "How was your day? Tell me two goods and a bad." Somedays its hard to come up with two goods, but it's also awesome when I can't think of a bad(:
So I'll try to be a little bit more positive from now on; but let's be real, this is a blog about high school. There's gonna be negative moments. I'll try to do what my dad asks me everyday after I come home from school, "How was your day? Tell me two goods and a bad." Somedays its hard to come up with two goods, but it's also awesome when I can't think of a bad(:
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #30
Day #30
I'm thankful for all the opportunities and privileges I've been given.
I'm thankful for all the opportunities and privileges I've been given.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #27
Day #27
I'm thankful that as far as the guys go at my school, I really don't care if they're gonna "like" me or not. Who wants to be so caught up with all that that you don't always notice the fun you could be having with other friends?
I'm thankful that as far as the guys go at my school, I really don't care if they're gonna "like" me or not. Who wants to be so caught up with all that that you don't always notice the fun you could be having with other friends?
Friday, November 25, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thank You Lady Antebellum!
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here, anyway?
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
One day you will
Oh one day you will
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here, anyway?
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
One day you will
Oh one day you will
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #20
Day #20
Thankful for hope. Hope that there's a purpose and some kind of beauty behind all of the brokenness in this family of mine.
Thankful for hope. Hope that there's a purpose and some kind of beauty behind all of the brokenness in this family of mine.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #19
Day #19
Today I'm thankful that my uncle is getting married; I'm very happy for him.
Today I'm thankful that my uncle is getting married; I'm very happy for him.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Jealousy or Competition?
I'm extremely competitive... like most of my family. Board games with extended family members get pretty intense. It seems only natural for someone to think this way, but I hate being second best. This goes for games, tests, class projects, leadership positions, and sometimes, even my relationship with God. (That is, my relationship with Him verses other people's relationships.) Pretty pathetic right? In some areas yes, but in others, I think its kind of a good thing.
But when I feel like I'm coming in "second" to someone else for too long, my jealous side begins to come out. There's a girl in my class whose amazing at just about everything. She gets 100s (or higher) on pretty much every single school assignment. She's great at sports. She always seems to know just what to say to guys. She's very popular. She's gorgeous and really sweet. And finally, she loves the Lord and isn't afraid to stand up for what she believes.
This blog post isn't an attempt to tear her down. I think she's awesome, and I absolutely love her. The problem is that I unconsciously let jealousy boil up inside me. It turns from just a "competition" to unhealthy jealousy towards her. I end up feeling like if I haven't "beat" her, or become like her, than I've failed somehow. It's a ridiculous way of thinking. I'm praying that God will help me. I don't know if I should ever tell her about it, because what she doesn't know won't hurt her right? I'm not sure.
It doesn't really matter right now though. I'm just trying to find a balance between that fun, competitive side of me that always wants to be the best and the hateful, jealous side of me that believes I'll never be good enough. 'Cause when I put myself in her shoes, I wonder how many other girls treat her like she's 'so much better' than them. I wonder how many people avoid her simply because they think that they're not good enough next to her. I wonder how much that must hurt...
God, don't let me be just another person who complains and wishes she was her. Please let me be someone whose okay with me, so that I can be her friend, not her opponent.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #14
Day #14
I'm thankful that my family is so patient with me, even when I'm a total pain.
I'm thankful that my family is so patient with me, even when I'm a total pain.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #11
Day #11
I can't even begin to say just how thankful I am for my high school(:
I can't even begin to say just how thankful I am for my high school(:
Being Thankful: Day #10
I guess I forgot to do this the other day...
Day #10
I'm thankful that I have a mom who will hang out with me, take me on last-minute shopping trips, and listen to all the drama I deal with at school.
Day #10
I'm thankful that I have a mom who will hang out with me, take me on last-minute shopping trips, and listen to all the drama I deal with at school.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #9
Day #9
I'm thankful for the people in my life who speak positively, even while I'm giving it my all to be as negative as possible.
I'm thankful for the people in my life who speak positively, even while I'm giving it my all to be as negative as possible.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #8
Day #8
I'm thankful for those few little moments when I feel noticed. Today I got to joke with two senior guys and one senior girl about something totally silly and meaningless. At school even though I have great friends I don't feel that way alot, so it made my whole day to have something so ridiculous let me, for a split second, feel noticed.
I'm thankful for those few little moments when I feel noticed. Today I got to joke with two senior guys and one senior girl about something totally silly and meaningless. At school even though I have great friends I don't feel that way alot, so it made my whole day to have something so ridiculous let me, for a split second, feel noticed.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #7
Day #7
I'm thankful that even though I struggle with hearing God's voice in my life, there are times and situations where His voice is impossible to miss.
I'm thankful that even though I struggle with hearing God's voice in my life, there are times and situations where His voice is impossible to miss.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Hunter Hayes- "Everybody's Got Somebody But Me"
This song isn't an example of me whining again, it's just a song that makes me laugh because, well, I can sorta relate(;
"I wish the couple on the corner would just get a room
Seems like everyone around me is on their honey moon
I'd love to take a pin to a heart shaped balloon
Everybody's got somebody but me
Well I don't know how I landed on this movie set
It's like a casting call for 'Romeo and Juliet'
I never would have noticed if we'd never met
But everybody's got somebody but me
And I miss you
Without you I just don't fit in
I know we're through
But I'm wishing we'd try it again
I hear love songs playing on the radio
People slow dancing everywhere I go
Well I'm a good slow dancer but you'd never know
'Cause everybody's got somebody but me
Everybody's got somebody but me
And I miss you
'Cause without you I don't fit in
I know we're through
But I'm wishing we'd try it again
Sitting here lonely at a table for two
Watching lovers being lovers in the corner booth
Seems like even Cupid don't know what to do
Everybody's got someone but me
And I don't know if I'll ever find another you
But everybody's got somebody but me."
"I wish the couple on the corner would just get a room
Seems like everyone around me is on their honey moon
I'd love to take a pin to a heart shaped balloon
Everybody's got somebody but me
Well I don't know how I landed on this movie set
It's like a casting call for 'Romeo and Juliet'
I never would have noticed if we'd never met
But everybody's got somebody but me
And I miss you
Without you I just don't fit in
I know we're through
But I'm wishing we'd try it again
I hear love songs playing on the radio
People slow dancing everywhere I go
Well I'm a good slow dancer but you'd never know
'Cause everybody's got somebody but me
Everybody's got somebody but me
And I miss you
'Cause without you I don't fit in
I know we're through
But I'm wishing we'd try it again
Sitting here lonely at a table for two
Watching lovers being lovers in the corner booth
Seems like even Cupid don't know what to do
Everybody's got someone but me
And I don't know if I'll ever find another you
But everybody's got somebody but me."
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #5
Day #5
I'm thankful that I don't have a boyfriend. Kind of an odd thing to be thankful for, you know, being a teenage girl. But even though I wish just the opposite sometimes, it's really so much better when I look at the bigger picture. The one where high school isn't my whole life(:
I'm thankful that I don't have a boyfriend. Kind of an odd thing to be thankful for, you know, being a teenage girl. But even though I wish just the opposite sometimes, it's really so much better when I look at the bigger picture. The one where high school isn't my whole life(:
Friday, November 4, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #4
Day #4
Three things stand out today that I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for my favorite day of the week, Friday; for family dinners, and oh yeah, A. A. Milne(:
Three things stand out today that I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for my favorite day of the week, Friday; for family dinners, and oh yeah, A. A. Milne(:
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #3
Day #3
I'm thankful for extremely forgiving teachers. From sweet Spanish teachers, to the Teacher who knows me better than I know myself.
I'm thankful for extremely forgiving teachers. From sweet Spanish teachers, to the Teacher who knows me better than I know myself.
One of Those Days
Today has been, well, just one of those days.
It started as one of those days where I would really like to wear sweatpants and a t-shirt all day. One of those days where I would love to say, "Sorry world! I'm not dealing with you today!" One of those days I say some bad words to my alarm clock...
Today turned into one of those days where I'm beyond grateful that I won't be in high school forever. Now I'm home, and all I want is to curl up by my fireplace with a big blanket, and some hot chocolate. I feel like maybe then I'll be protected from this unfair world. What can I say? Sometimes a girl just needs to drink some hot chocolate to feel better. Today hasn't been unusually painful, just... "off"...
A day where I find myself feeling more alone with other people than by myself. A day filled with little things I take a little too personally. A day that was just annoying enough, just exhausting enough, and just frustrating enough, for me to enjoy seeing it end. Thank God for hot chocolate.
It started as one of those days where I would really like to wear sweatpants and a t-shirt all day. One of those days where I would love to say, "Sorry world! I'm not dealing with you today!" One of those days I say some bad words to my alarm clock...
Today turned into one of those days where I'm beyond grateful that I won't be in high school forever. Now I'm home, and all I want is to curl up by my fireplace with a big blanket, and some hot chocolate. I feel like maybe then I'll be protected from this unfair world. What can I say? Sometimes a girl just needs to drink some hot chocolate to feel better. Today hasn't been unusually painful, just... "off"...
A day where I find myself feeling more alone with other people than by myself. A day filled with little things I take a little too personally. A day that was just annoying enough, just exhausting enough, and just frustrating enough, for me to enjoy seeing it end. Thank God for hot chocolate.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #2
Day #2
I'm thankful that even when life gets rough, I have a few really great people I can depend on, and a God who is bigger than all of my problems.
I'm thankful that even when life gets rough, I have a few really great people I can depend on, and a God who is bigger than all of my problems.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Being Thankful: Day #1
This is something that God has laid on my heart to do. I want come up with one specific thing every day that I am thankful for. To keep me accountable, I'll post my "being thankful" thoughts on here everyday. I intend to do this on my actual blog until the end of November, but hopefully on my own at least until December. If your interested in doing this too, feel free to comment with your own "being thankful" thoughts.
Day #1-
I'm thankful God that you hold everything together, so that I don't have to worry about keeping everything from falling apart. (Colossians 1:17)
Day #1-
I'm thankful God that you hold everything together, so that I don't have to worry about keeping everything from falling apart. (Colossians 1:17)
My Life.... According to Winnie the Pooh
I may be a sophomore, but I still love Winnie the Pooh more than words can describe. The characters are so adorable! My favorite character is Piglet because he reminds me the most of me. He's much more timid and shy than the other characters, and sometimes is overlooked. But yet, he always seems to do most, if not all, of the work when the character's are pulled into one of Rabbit's many projects, and he typically proves his worth by being brave. The quote I wrote above is from the Winnie the Pooh movie that just came out. The rest of his friend's have fallen into a ditch and he has to somehow get them out. He runs off but gets scared and shouts out, "I gotta get help!" But then he realizes, "Oh wait, I am the help!" It's a cute scene that describes me a little too well.
When I'm struggling with something, whether it's socially, spiritually, or just with school, I immediately want help. But I always come to the conclusion that I am the only person I know who will help me.
Wait, let me rephrase that- I'm the only person I know who will want to help me. Of course I know people who would help me, but I always feel like, unless they come up to me on their own, that I am a burden for them.
That's probably the biggest lie that's been passed down to me (unintentionally) through my extended family. That I'm just another burden. No one's ever said that to me, but when the vast majority of the things I say get blown off, I get the message. "It's too much work for me to handle you right now, maybe some other time."
This isn't something I struggle with a lot. Most of the time I shrug it off and move on because well, "that's just how my family is." Every now and then though, like when I occasionally watch Winnie the Pooh, I see little Piglet and I think about this again. He wants help, but proves he's capable of taking care of himself. Something I try so hard to do.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Not So Sure About Halloween
I've always loved trick-or-treating. I mean free candy! Who doesn't love it? But this year I'm feeling a little too old for that whole walking the neighborhood thing. Maybe I'll just hand out candy, or maybe I'll lock the door, hide, and scare some unfortunate children. Or maybe I'll just watch some Harry Potter.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
One Day, I'll Be Me
Sunday, October 23, 2011
I'm Sorry, But Its Over.
Dear Facebook,
Thanks for allowing me to see all the friends of mine that are in relationships. Thanks for letting me see them talk about how amazing their boyfriend or girlfriend is. Thanks for making my home page just another place to see guys flirting with girls other than me. You getting all of that sarcasm? I really hope so.
You're so freaking annoying! I don't know why I even bother with you anymore. You give me one more pathetic reason to be jealous of my friends. I shouldn't be jealous, but I am. And you know what else, Facebook? I don't need all that extra social drama. I don't need to feel like I'm in constant competition with my classmates.
I'm sorry Facebook, but its over.
Thanks for allowing me to see all the friends of mine that are in relationships. Thanks for letting me see them talk about how amazing their boyfriend or girlfriend is. Thanks for making my home page just another place to see guys flirting with girls other than me. You getting all of that sarcasm? I really hope so.
You're so freaking annoying! I don't know why I even bother with you anymore. You give me one more pathetic reason to be jealous of my friends. I shouldn't be jealous, but I am. And you know what else, Facebook? I don't need all that extra social drama. I don't need to feel like I'm in constant competition with my classmates.
I'm sorry Facebook, but its over.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Number One Fear
"According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means that to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy." -Jerry Seinfeld
This is one of my absolute favorite quotes. I used it when I was writing a paper in the 8th grade. I cannot even begin to explain how petrified I was to have to get up in front of my English class (which consisted of all of 18 people) and read a short story.
That's basically how I feel when I get up to speak in front of any of my classes. My heart beats 100 times a second, my hands begin to shake uncontrollably, I lose my balance for no particular reason, and I can never seem to get enough air. I have a presentation tomorrow, it's a simple power point that takes roughly 3-5 minutes to present. It's not a major thing at all considering that the main part of the project was a paper I had to write, but I'm still nervous.
The thing is, the majority of the kids in my class probably won't even care or remember what I've said five minutes later. Even with that in mind, I still struggle to relax and remember how to speak, (and breathe), when everyone starts looking at me. But I'll be okay. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me :)
This is one of my absolute favorite quotes. I used it when I was writing a paper in the 8th grade. I cannot even begin to explain how petrified I was to have to get up in front of my English class (which consisted of all of 18 people) and read a short story.
That's basically how I feel when I get up to speak in front of any of my classes. My heart beats 100 times a second, my hands begin to shake uncontrollably, I lose my balance for no particular reason, and I can never seem to get enough air. I have a presentation tomorrow, it's a simple power point that takes roughly 3-5 minutes to present. It's not a major thing at all considering that the main part of the project was a paper I had to write, but I'm still nervous.
The thing is, the majority of the kids in my class probably won't even care or remember what I've said five minutes later. Even with that in mind, I still struggle to relax and remember how to speak, (and breathe), when everyone starts looking at me. But I'll be okay. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me :)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Something Like a Short Story
Here is a totally fictional, random short story... enjoy.
“Oh man, I’m late!”
Shoving past careless seniors and love-struck juniors, I made my way to Geometry. One more tardy, and I’d get detention. Sitting in a freezing cold room and starring up at the ceiling was not something I wanted to do for an entire hour.
I sidestepped and narrowly avoided yet another couple. Ducking, I escaped being taken out by a senior’s swinging backpack. I took a deep breath. Two more steps and I would be safe in Geometry class.
Suddenly, a sophomore cut in front of me, opening the door to room 215. I started to walk in after him but the door collided violently with my forehead. Stunned, I toppled backward. It was the laughter from inside the class that brought me back to reality… I flung open the door and made my way to my seat— head down.
Just as I slipped into my chair, the bell rang.
Well, at least I’m on time.
Something jabbed me in the side. “Audrey, wake up.”
Opening my eyes I realized I’d dozed off again. Mr. Anthony was lecturing about how students shouldn’t be “loitering around” in his classroom—correction, his “kingdom.” Nothing had changed since I’d fallen asleep, except Trent had been moved to his official “seat of banishment;” the desk in the middle of the first row.
My friend Joy leaned toward me, “Trent was talking to Riley again.” She rolled her eyes sarcastically and smiled.
I giggled and accidentally glanced over at Michelle, who was seated in front of Joy. She glared at me. Without saying a word, the expression in her brown eyes made it clear what she thought of me. I looked over at Joy to see if she noticed, but she had already refocused her attention back on the math lesson. I turned to face the front, but noticed Michelle starring me down. Again.
Annoyed, I whispered, “What?!”
She rolled her eyes and hissed, “You’re such an idiot.”
I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. What had I ever done to her? As the new student, I was invisible. The kids in my class had made it clear that I was nothing. I was ugly. I was pathetic. I knew my place by now. Why did she have to keep reminding me?
“You’re such an idiot.”
Hot tears filled my eyes and threatened to pour down my face. I considered asking Mr. Anthony if I could use the restroom, but was afraid my voice would break. I kept my eyes on the blackboard, and for once in my life tried to focus on math. It didn’t help.
As soon as the bell rang I flung my backpack over my shoulder and pushed my way out the door.
“Audrey, you wanna walk with me to Bible class?”
I turned and saw sweet little May looking up at me. She was an outcast— like me— only she didn’t seem to realize it. She always had a smile on her face, but at the moment, her optimism made me sick.
“No thanks, May, I gotta go to the bathroom. I’ll meet you there.”
“Ok see ya!”
I walked down the hall— head down— toward the bathroom.
Bible class?
I laughed to myself. I didn’t think it was funny, but at the moment laughing seemed a whole lot better than vomiting in front of the senior’s lockers.
Bible class?
These kids weren’t Christians. During a spanish class, a boy offered to pay a girl to have sex with him. The conversations that took place in the hallways were disgusting. And I noticed when people were pointing and making fun of me during chapel. If these people were going to heaven, I’d rather end up in hell.
Bible class?
I knew these people didn’t care about God; He was just a cover for them. They used Christianity as a way to do whatever they wanted, yet not get in trouble. They thought they could say whatever they wanted to say, do whatever they wanted to do, and then turn around and still “praise the Lord”. But then again, I’d lived the “perfect” Christian life, and God had forgotten about me. What if they were right?
“You’re such an idiot.”
My mind replayed the words without my permission. At that point I could no longer stop the tears from coming. Storming into the girl’s bathroom, I locked myself in a stall. Then I didn’t hold back. The tears came slowly at first, then in rapid, agonizing bursts.
“You’re such an idiot.”
I felt sick. I spun around and faced the toilet. After an entire five minutes, the tears still didn’t stop. I tried to think of other things, of reasons why she could have said what she did. Nothing seemed to help. I prayed, but it was an empty, half-hearted prayer. God felt like he was a million miles away. Shaking uncontrollably, I closed my eyes, only to see the faces of the girls I’d passed in the hallway.
Their looks ripped me apart. One cold look said, “You don’t belong here,” another said, “You’re worthless.” The disgusted faces of guys I’d spoken to haunted me even more. A pained expression and rolling eyes told me just how ugly they thought I was. How could I look in the mirror and think for even one second that I was pretty? That I was worth being loved?
“You’re such an idiot.”
After another five minutes, I managed to regain control of myself. I emerged from the stall and wiped off what was left of my make-up.
Then I headed to Bible class to hear my teacher talk about “how much God loves us.”
Learning to Breathe Again
You know that feeling when you're swimming in the ocean and you go out just a bit too far? The waves are suddenly just a little too tall to avoid, and the water is just a little too deep to stand in. You're not drowning, you're not suffocating, you're not dying... but you can't quite catch your breath. Any normal person would back-peddle until they could stand.
But you can't do that when you've got friends, (all of them taller than you), saying, "Come on out farther! You'll be able to stand out here, it's more shallow." Backing up would make you look weak or afraid, when in reality you're just hoping to catch your breath. So do I do that, or do I dive in farther and keep swimming towards that invisible sand bar? Does it even exist?
It's been my tendency to turn around and run when I'm struggling. I shrink back and hide in hopes that the next big wave doesn't knock me down. Maybe I need to do what I've never done before. Swim further out even when I feel like I'm struggling for air. And then hopefully soon, I'll remember how to breathe again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Therefore strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled but rather healed." Hebrews 12:12-13
But you can't do that when you've got friends, (all of them taller than you), saying, "Come on out farther! You'll be able to stand out here, it's more shallow." Backing up would make you look weak or afraid, when in reality you're just hoping to catch your breath. So do I do that, or do I dive in farther and keep swimming towards that invisible sand bar? Does it even exist?
It's been my tendency to turn around and run when I'm struggling. I shrink back and hide in hopes that the next big wave doesn't knock me down. Maybe I need to do what I've never done before. Swim further out even when I feel like I'm struggling for air. And then hopefully soon, I'll remember how to breathe again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Therefore strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled but rather healed." Hebrews 12:12-13
Sunday, October 9, 2011
But, Are You Impressed?
This question crosses my mind every time I'm given a challenge, a project, an assignment, and I do it well. It can be in school, at home, with family, or even with friends. Strangely enough, I even think this when people compliment me. I try to impress the people around me, as if that will somehow make them like me more.
I'm so disappointed in who I used to be before I entered high school, maybe thats why I try so desperately to be the best. All. The. Time. But guess what? It's exhausting, and I always end up feeling like a failure...
Yesterday I was at a girl's Bible study and we were discussing the Love Languages. My top two are, 'words of affirmation' and 'acts of service.' I almost broke down and cried while we were all talking, but I bit my lip and stopped myself, because that wouldn't be too 'impressive' now would it?
I have some amazing people in my life, but is that really what I want from them? Someone to tell me I'm doing a good job? And someone to act on it and actually treat me like I matter to them and want to be apart of my life? Someone who won't point out all my errors first thing, but will point out that I've done something worthwhile. Specifically an older teen or an adult, someone who doesn't really need to be involved in my life, but still wants to?
I work so hard to impress people. To impress my parents, my friends, and even my teachers, because I figure that if I work hard enough, I'll somehow earn those few words of praise. Those few specific compliments. And maybe, just maybe, someone will be impressed enough to really want me around. But it doesn't work like that. In fact, I think I end up doing the exact opposite of what I intended to do. I come across timid, sarcastic, and serious. I can't tell you how many times I've been alone in my room and completely broken down because of it. I kill myself to get good grades, to live up to people's expectations, and to be a good person, only to have people see me the entirely wrong way. I always end up failing.
And honestly, I don't know what to do about it.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Just Like Cinderella... Well, Not Really.
I'd have to say that out of all the Disney "princess" movies, Mulan is my favorite. It's different than most of the Disney fairytales. Hmm, let me think of the typical Disney princess... gentle, sweet- (like, all the animals dance and sing with her kinda thing), elegant, soft, mild, graceful, timid, and in need of being rescued.
They're the picture of beauty. Right? Like angels come down to Earth, and the prince always falls for her.
But in Mulan, she's still beautiful, but she's clumsy, forgetful, and often late. She's too outspoken when it comes to standing up for her family or for herself. She's brave and daring enough to take her father's place in the war. She knows she could be killed, yet she's strong enough to take the risk. In the end, through her cleverness, Mulan saves all of China. She is even offered a position as the Emperor's adviser. In reality she should have been killed, because what she did was unthinkable for a woman. She's in no need of being rescued, rather she's the one doing the rescuing.
The captain of the army falls in love with her, not for her "gentleness" or "gracefulness," but for her cleverness, her ability to speak her mind, her courage, and her strength.
She's unique.
That's probably why Mulan my favorite Disney movie, 'cause I can relate to her much more than I can relate to a 'perfect princess' character like Cinderella.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Dear Friend
Dear Friend,
You probably won't understand this.
Still I hope it makes a little sense,
Even though you'll think I'm talking about someone else,
I hope you figure this out,
I'm so proud of you.
I'm proud that you are taking a chance, and being brave.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
No Matter What
I'm running back to Your promises one more time.
Lord, that's all I can hold on to...
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises You.
Before heartache can ever touch my life,
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why...
No matter what, I'm gonna love You
No matter what I'm gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain,
But if not, if not I'll still trust You no matter what.
Lord, that's all I can hold on to...
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises You.
Before heartache can ever touch my life,
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why...
No matter what, I'm gonna love You
No matter what I'm gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain,
But if not, if not I'll still trust You no matter what.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Take A Deep Breath
I know I talk about not being a hopeless romantic, daydreaming, wishing on a shooting star, kind of teenage girl. I may not be that old, but I'm old enough to know that those people only do really well in the movies. Still, I love that character. Probably because just as I'm secretly hoping against hope that their wishes come true and their questions get answered, I'm doing the same for myself...
I have so many questions that I want answers for.
Why is high school so stressful? Why can't I trust someone without them eventually hurting me? Why does my heart get broken so often? Why don't I understand some of my classes? Why does life move so fast? What college should I go to? Who will I meet? Will I fall in love? What's my career going to be? In publishing? As a screen writer? An author? A teacher? Will I get married? Where will I live? Will I make it on my own? What if I'm not good enough? What if I make a major mistake? What if... what if... what if...
Time to take a deep breath and face each day as it comes.
I have so many questions that I want answers for.
Why is high school so stressful? Why can't I trust someone without them eventually hurting me? Why does my heart get broken so often? Why don't I understand some of my classes? Why does life move so fast? What college should I go to? Who will I meet? Will I fall in love? What's my career going to be? In publishing? As a screen writer? An author? A teacher? Will I get married? Where will I live? Will I make it on my own? What if I'm not good enough? What if I make a major mistake? What if... what if... what if...
Time to take a deep breath and face each day as it comes.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Unexpected
"Wow, you aren't like most teenagers."
That's a common remark made by my parents friends or other adults I run into. It's meant to be a compliment; usually followed by them saying that I'm smarter, more mature, or better behaved than most teens. I try to take it as a compliment, but honestly, it's really annoying. I mean come on, you can compliment me without it being a comparison to my supposedly idiotic and immature peers.
You could say that I'm exaggerating things, but then... so are you. Adults are just as extremely obsessed with their iPhones, Macbooks, and iPads as teenagers. You go on and on about how uneducated and problematic my generation is- not to be rude or anything, but your generation raised us. If we are given lower expectations, we sink to that level. If we are given higher expectations, we rise to them. It's your choice as to what you decide to expect from us. Which would you prefer?
That's a common remark made by my parents friends or other adults I run into. It's meant to be a compliment; usually followed by them saying that I'm smarter, more mature, or better behaved than most teens. I try to take it as a compliment, but honestly, it's really annoying. I mean come on, you can compliment me without it being a comparison to my supposedly idiotic and immature peers.
You could say that I'm exaggerating things, but then... so are you. Adults are just as extremely obsessed with their iPhones, Macbooks, and iPads as teenagers. You go on and on about how uneducated and problematic my generation is- not to be rude or anything, but your generation raised us. If we are given lower expectations, we sink to that level. If we are given higher expectations, we rise to them. It's your choice as to what you decide to expect from us. Which would you prefer?
Blessings By Laura Story
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Fearless
Fear. Fear of the unloveable side of ourselves. Why does it control us? It eats away at our hearts, all the while saying, "Don't let them see this." Because who knows? It could all fall apart in an instant. People could walk out on you, abandon you, laugh at you, or ruin that flawless reputation you've tried so hard to create.
They say face your fears. They say be strong. But you can't stand up to yourself. You can't simply look in the mirror, shake your head, and say, "I've had enough of this nonsense!" We long for the day when our "good self," or our "true self," will finally break free from that unloveable, messed up, sinful side of ourselves. It's never going to happen. It's a part of us that isn't going away in this lifetime. So at some point, we have to stop fearing it.
If we stop fearing it, then what? We surely don't accept it! Do we...? I think at some point, you do have to accept that unloveable side. You shouldn't encourage it, or focus on it, or continue to act on it, but you do have to accept that you will never be perfect. Or else you'll hate yourself. Because if you fear that side of you, or you are trying to rid yourself of it for good- you can walk around receiving correction, facing your fears, praising God all you want, but at the end of the day, you'll still perceive yourself as a failure. That truly "good" version of you is still trapped within the "bad" version of you.
Our "good" self, does not exist apart from our "bad" self. We're all a great big mess. I have accepted that mixed up mess that presents itself under my name. At the end of each day, I can feel satisfied with the good side of me that showed through, and not hate myself for the mistakes I made.
When I look in the mirror, I don't see a half finished construction project. I see an unloveable person, who is truly loved. I see a flawed face, that is thought of as beautiful. I see an imperfect girl, who is believed in. And when I realize that all I can do is my best to live for God, that I cannot separate once and for all the good and the bad, and that I am forgiven just as I am... I become the girl with many fears, who is fearless.
They say face your fears. They say be strong. But you can't stand up to yourself. You can't simply look in the mirror, shake your head, and say, "I've had enough of this nonsense!" We long for the day when our "good self," or our "true self," will finally break free from that unloveable, messed up, sinful side of ourselves. It's never going to happen. It's a part of us that isn't going away in this lifetime. So at some point, we have to stop fearing it.
If we stop fearing it, then what? We surely don't accept it! Do we...? I think at some point, you do have to accept that unloveable side. You shouldn't encourage it, or focus on it, or continue to act on it, but you do have to accept that you will never be perfect. Or else you'll hate yourself. Because if you fear that side of you, or you are trying to rid yourself of it for good- you can walk around receiving correction, facing your fears, praising God all you want, but at the end of the day, you'll still perceive yourself as a failure. That truly "good" version of you is still trapped within the "bad" version of you.
Our "good" self, does not exist apart from our "bad" self. We're all a great big mess. I have accepted that mixed up mess that presents itself under my name. At the end of each day, I can feel satisfied with the good side of me that showed through, and not hate myself for the mistakes I made.
When I look in the mirror, I don't see a half finished construction project. I see an unloveable person, who is truly loved. I see a flawed face, that is thought of as beautiful. I see an imperfect girl, who is believed in. And when I realize that all I can do is my best to live for God, that I cannot separate once and for all the good and the bad, and that I am forgiven just as I am... I become the girl with many fears, who is fearless.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
A Quote To Describe My Life
"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can- all of them make me laugh."
-W. H. Auden
This is so true of all of my friends. They can always find a way to make me laugh. It's one of the many reasons why I love them so much (:
-W. H. Auden
This is so true of all of my friends. They can always find a way to make me laugh. It's one of the many reasons why I love them so much (:
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Keep Calm And Carry On
These two verses always get my attention...
"Wait for the Lord; be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord."
~Psalm 27:14
"For our knowledge is fragmentary and our prophesy is fragmentary, but when the complete and perfect comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away." ~ 1 Corinthians 13:9-10
Sometimes I just need that reminder. Keep calm. Carry on. Things will all work out in the end, even though I tend to doubt. Keep calm and carry on...
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Think For Yourself
It's amazing how easily people can be talked into believing that something is true. If you say it with enough certainty or determination, they'll accept it as truth. (Or at the very least, they'll accept it as something that's probably true.) If it comes from a teacher than it's extremely "believable," even if what the teacher is saying does not relate to their subject whatsoever.
Because yes of course, if a history teacher says something happened in history, the student believes them. If an english teacher points out a symbol in a book, the student agrees. If a math teacher explains the way things work in algebra, the student accepts this.
I'm not the kind of person who says "nothing is true." I'm the kind of person who needs to be absolutely certain before she will agree that something is true.
Truth is a major deal to me, and has been my entire life. If a statement doesn't line up with what I know to be true than I will disregard it, no matter who said it. I love learning new things, but I won't just accept anything as new and important information.
Kids in my class hear things from teachers and say, "Wow, he/she is so smart!" And I wouldn't disagree. I believe that all my teachers are brilliant people. But that doesn't mean they aren't fallible.
Just because they have a lot of opinions, doesn't mean they're always right.
Come on guys, think for yourselves.
Because yes of course, if a history teacher says something happened in history, the student believes them. If an english teacher points out a symbol in a book, the student agrees. If a math teacher explains the way things work in algebra, the student accepts this.
I'm not the kind of person who says "nothing is true." I'm the kind of person who needs to be absolutely certain before she will agree that something is true.
Truth is a major deal to me, and has been my entire life. If a statement doesn't line up with what I know to be true than I will disregard it, no matter who said it. I love learning new things, but I won't just accept anything as new and important information.
Kids in my class hear things from teachers and say, "Wow, he/she is so smart!" And I wouldn't disagree. I believe that all my teachers are brilliant people. But that doesn't mean they aren't fallible.
Just because they have a lot of opinions, doesn't mean they're always right.
Come on guys, think for yourselves.
Friday, August 26, 2011
You Are More- Tenth Avenue North
I heard the lyrics to this song on the radio the other day. It's frequently played, but this time I paid more attention to the words...
~~~~
There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide
She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear,
That I've fallen too far to love."
But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
Well, she tries to believe it,
That she's been given new life.
But she can't shake the feeling,
That it's not true tonight...
She knows all the answers,
And she's rehearsed all the lines.
She'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try.
But don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to.
This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
You've been remade
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
~~~~
There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide
She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear,
That I've fallen too far to love."
But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
Well, she tries to believe it,
That she's been given new life.
But she can't shake the feeling,
That it's not true tonight...
She knows all the answers,
And she's rehearsed all the lines.
She'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try.
But don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to.
This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
You've been remade
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
First Day of School
Man, I love my high school (:
- One of my friends announced that my World Civ teacher would make an excellent garden gnome. (It was meant in a totally complimentary way of course haha)
- And in my last class one of my friends tried to make the teacher forget about their subject by putting a Harry Potter "curse" on them. (She wasn't really cursing them I promise...)
It's been an odd, yet interesting day. It's a million times better than my first day of school last year where I went to school in tears, and came home in tears. I cannot say this enough times... I love my high school. (:
- One of my friends announced that my World Civ teacher would make an excellent garden gnome. (It was meant in a totally complimentary way of course haha)
- And in my last class one of my friends tried to make the teacher forget about their subject by putting a Harry Potter "curse" on them. (She wasn't really cursing them I promise...)
It's been an odd, yet interesting day. It's a million times better than my first day of school last year where I went to school in tears, and came home in tears. I cannot say this enough times... I love my high school. (:
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Wait... What?
My Chemistry book just attributed the entire downfall of the Roman Empire to lead poisoning...
1.) Lead poisoning gave Roman leaders brain damage
2.) The brain damage caused Roman leaders to make stupid decisions
3.) These stupid decisions resulted in the downfall of Rome
...wait, what?
1.) Lead poisoning gave Roman leaders brain damage
2.) The brain damage caused Roman leaders to make stupid decisions
3.) These stupid decisions resulted in the downfall of Rome
...wait, what?
Thursday, August 18, 2011
What's Spanish For "I'm So Dead"?
Okay, so it doesn't have to be said in Spanish. But still that was pretty much my first thought when I walked into Spanish II class this morning. I'm a sophomore this year, and we have so. much. school. work.
But I'll survive. I have amazing friends, brilliant teachers, and a great school. It's gonna be a good year(:
I don't know how I'm going to survive! I'm taking Chemistry honors, Spanish II, Algebra II honors, World Civ II, and English II honors.
My World Civ teacher is known for the ridiculously hard tests and homework assignments that he gives. On the bright side, it seems to be a pretty relaxed class, as opposed to my last history teacher who would scream at you for breathing too loudly. Example being, the class spent half of the period discussing his beard. (Yeah guys. My World Civ teacher reminds me of Hagrid from Harry Potter. Oh and you know what else? His wife dressed up as Hermione to go see the new movie. lol)
My Algebra teacher is also known for being a hard teacher, so I'm going to do my best to get on her good side ;P I'm still extremely nervous, I've heard Algebra II is pretty hard and I'm not a math person AT all. So basically, first day of school I have 60-90 math problems, to finish a 3-4 page paper (can't complain about that one since I've had all summer to do it), and who know's what else! I'm semi-panicking.
My World Civ teacher is known for the ridiculously hard tests and homework assignments that he gives. On the bright side, it seems to be a pretty relaxed class, as opposed to my last history teacher who would scream at you for breathing too loudly. Example being, the class spent half of the period discussing his beard. (Yeah guys. My World Civ teacher reminds me of Hagrid from Harry Potter. Oh and you know what else? His wife dressed up as Hermione to go see the new movie. lol)
My Algebra teacher is also known for being a hard teacher, so I'm going to do my best to get on her good side ;P I'm still extremely nervous, I've heard Algebra II is pretty hard and I'm not a math person AT all. So basically, first day of school I have 60-90 math problems, to finish a 3-4 page paper (can't complain about that one since I've had all summer to do it), and who know's what else! I'm semi-panicking.
But I'll survive. I have amazing friends, brilliant teachers, and a great school. It's gonna be a good year(:
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Facebook Jealousy
Is it weird that I'm jealous of people who have facebook "pages"? Like friends of mine who have small high school bands. They have their own facebook pages.
I want one!!!
But I have nothing to make it about... I thought about doing "No One In Particular" and simply making it an extension of my blog, but that could give away to my facebook friends who I am... and the whole point of this blog is that the majority of people who stumble across it don't know who I am. So that's not gonna work out ): If I knew of a "cause" I could support, I would happily run the facebook page for it. But I don't.
I'm also jealous of people who use Twitter. I've always wanted to have a Twitter account but was never allowed. Isn't there a way I can set up Twitter to sync with my blog? There has to be.
Anyway, just brainstorming here. If you have any ideas on what I could make a facebook page about, let me know? (; haha
I want one!!!
But I have nothing to make it about... I thought about doing "No One In Particular" and simply making it an extension of my blog, but that could give away to my facebook friends who I am... and the whole point of this blog is that the majority of people who stumble across it don't know who I am. So that's not gonna work out ): If I knew of a "cause" I could support, I would happily run the facebook page for it. But I don't.
I'm also jealous of people who use Twitter. I've always wanted to have a Twitter account but was never allowed. Isn't there a way I can set up Twitter to sync with my blog? There has to be.
Anyway, just brainstorming here. If you have any ideas on what I could make a facebook page about, let me know? (; haha
Monday, August 15, 2011
Rascal Flatts Saves The Day
I know a lot of people hate country music. I have a friend who throws herself onto the floor, covers her ears, and yells, "Ugh! There's no way that counts as music!!!"
Yeah. She's that dramatic about it.
I love country music, so my friend and I are always getting into arguments. My favorite country band is Rascal Flatts (: The song that's been playing over and over in my head this week is by them. It's called These Days.
"Yeah, life throws you curves
But you learned to swerve
Me, I swung and I missed
And the next thing you know, I'm reminiscing
Dreaming old dreams
Wishing old wishes
Like you would be back again
I wake up in teardrops that fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed,
Punch the clock, head for home, check the phone just in case,
Go to bed, dream of you,
That's what I'm doing these days..."
Yeah. She's that dramatic about it.
I love country music, so my friend and I are always getting into arguments. My favorite country band is Rascal Flatts (: The song that's been playing over and over in my head this week is by them. It's called These Days.
"Yeah, life throws you curves
But you learned to swerve
Me, I swung and I missed
And the next thing you know, I'm reminiscing
Dreaming old dreams
Wishing old wishes
Like you would be back again
I wake up in teardrops that fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed,
Punch the clock, head for home, check the phone just in case,
Go to bed, dream of you,
That's what I'm doing these days..."
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Time To Get Writing Again
I've been putting off writing for a long time. Not because I don't enjoy it, but because I've had no real inspiration. Today I visited a group of writers who critique each other's work. There's a good amount of people that come, out of all of them, I'm pretty sure I was the only one under the age of 20. I was a little bit intimidated at first but I decided that if I can't be a Rebelutionary* here in a Christian writing group, than I can't be one anywhere.
The Lord really came through for me. All the women I ran into talked to me like I was just another writer. It didn't feel like I had that usual,"Sorry I'm a teenager and am not intelligent enough to understand you," sign stamped across my forehead.
I was even more nervous about the critiquing though. I'm not allowed to have any of my work critiqued until I've visited twice, but still, I was curious to see how they did it. They would say one thing they liked about the piece, then their critiques, and then another thing they enjoyed. It didn't sound forced or unbelievable when the writers gave each other compliments. It really inspired me.
It's time to get writing again (:
*www.therebelution.com
The Lord really came through for me. All the women I ran into talked to me like I was just another writer. It didn't feel like I had that usual,"Sorry I'm a teenager and am not intelligent enough to understand you," sign stamped across my forehead.
I was even more nervous about the critiquing though. I'm not allowed to have any of my work critiqued until I've visited twice, but still, I was curious to see how they did it. They would say one thing they liked about the piece, then their critiques, and then another thing they enjoyed. It didn't sound forced or unbelievable when the writers gave each other compliments. It really inspired me.
It's time to get writing again (:
*www.therebelution.com
Friday, August 12, 2011
Good-Bye.
We put my dog Teddy to sleep today. It broke my heart. I've had him since I was in the first grade. I remember picking him out when he was only a week or two old and then coming back to get him when he was old enough to leave his mother. I came up with the name "Teddy" because at 6 years old I thought he looked a whole lot like a teddy bear. I brought him in for show-and-tell one time in the first grade, telling everyone he was a Collie. Until I found out that he was actually a Shetland Sheepdog.He was my little pal (: I remember coming home one day from middle school unable to believe that my friends could be so mean. He came prancing into my room and let me pet him while I cried.
I feel silly for being so emotional about having to put him down. It was time to do it. He went from being a healthy weight to being 17 pounds in just a couple of months. He was practically blind and was losing his hearing. It was better for him. But he was really special to me. I've grown up with my sweet little Teddy being around. I'll miss him so much.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Everything Is Under Control
"He set the earth on it's foundations; it can never be moved." - Psalm 104:5
We all have our issues. One of mine? I always expect insults wrapped in compliments. Sometimes consciously, and sometimes I expect them unconsciously. I expect a critique, a correction, a problem needing to be fixed. Maybe that's why I never believe people when they compliment me. The Lord has been trying to make me believe it when other people say good things about me, and it's working for the most part. At least, with people outside of my own family.
The biggest obstacle I have to get past is the question I am constantly asking myself.
"What's wrong with this?"
I've asked myself this question as long as I can remember. At first it was just to avoid the critiques and corrections I had come to expect. If I asked myself what was wrong, then maybe I could fix the issue before someone else pointed it out. If I didn't fix it, and I was corrected, I felt like I had failed. I was a disappointment. Slowly but surely, as I grew older and experienced real rejection for the first time, this question transitioned from "what's wrong with this" to "whats wrong with me".
I couldn't figure out why people rejected me, but I assumed there must be something really wrong. Remember how I said that if I didn't figure out the problem, I expected someone else to point it out? Since then I've had this horrible fear that if someone gets to know me well enough, they'll finally see the issue that I couldn't. And then they'll leave me. Reject me. Abandon me.
I never talk about my struggles unless I've overcome them. I rarely tell people when I'm in them. Because I fear that any weakness I show could be the thing that makes them abandon me. I pretend to be strong, even when I'm not. I try to be strong to keep everything together. To keep people from abandoning me. To keep my world from falling apart.
Is it really that simple though? Does God really have it all under control? Little mistakes I make or weaknesses I allow others to know about- aren't going to cause the world to fall apart? That's a lot to absorb since my thought process has been the complete opposite.
He's got everything under control. I don't have to keep the world from falling apart. What a relief... (:
"He set the earth on it's foundations; it can never be moved..."
We all have our issues. One of mine? I always expect insults wrapped in compliments. Sometimes consciously, and sometimes I expect them unconsciously. I expect a critique, a correction, a problem needing to be fixed. Maybe that's why I never believe people when they compliment me. The Lord has been trying to make me believe it when other people say good things about me, and it's working for the most part. At least, with people outside of my own family.
The biggest obstacle I have to get past is the question I am constantly asking myself.
"What's wrong with this?"
I've asked myself this question as long as I can remember. At first it was just to avoid the critiques and corrections I had come to expect. If I asked myself what was wrong, then maybe I could fix the issue before someone else pointed it out. If I didn't fix it, and I was corrected, I felt like I had failed. I was a disappointment. Slowly but surely, as I grew older and experienced real rejection for the first time, this question transitioned from "what's wrong with this" to "whats wrong with me".
I couldn't figure out why people rejected me, but I assumed there must be something really wrong. Remember how I said that if I didn't figure out the problem, I expected someone else to point it out? Since then I've had this horrible fear that if someone gets to know me well enough, they'll finally see the issue that I couldn't. And then they'll leave me. Reject me. Abandon me.
I never talk about my struggles unless I've overcome them. I rarely tell people when I'm in them. Because I fear that any weakness I show could be the thing that makes them abandon me. I pretend to be strong, even when I'm not. I try to be strong to keep everything together. To keep people from abandoning me. To keep my world from falling apart.
Is it really that simple though? Does God really have it all under control? Little mistakes I make or weaknesses I allow others to know about- aren't going to cause the world to fall apart? That's a lot to absorb since my thought process has been the complete opposite.
He's got everything under control. I don't have to keep the world from falling apart. What a relief... (:
"He set the earth on it's foundations; it can never be moved..."
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Who Knows?
So, as a Christian teen I deal with all kinds of drama... there's...
Drama at school.
Drama with my family.
Drama with friends
And...
Drama at church.
My family recently left the church we've been attending for five or six years. I was involved with the youth group but I've never been really attached to it. Maybe to certain friends, but never to the actual youth group. My parents feel like God wants them to not go to church for a while and just take Sundays to spend time with Him. And they love it. But I'm having a harder time.
I've tried to stay and reconnect with the youth group at our previous church. That hasn't been going so well... some of the kids there are still friends with me, but since I've been gone for so long and my family isn't involved anymore- I feel like an outsider. Just the other night one of the students said to me, "Where've you been? I mean you come once, then ditch us, and go around to other churches being a traitor." I was too surprised to respond. I thought that he might be partly joking, so I asked him about it again later that evening. He said, "Yeah, you guys, (referring to my family), are like traitors 'cause you don't go to our church anymore."
I left youth group feeling awful and guilty. It's not my fault God led my parents to leave the church! The only reason I continue to go is because I feel guilty for not going. I'm praying that God will show me where He wants me to be. Or if I even should be in a youth group, after all there are usually small groups that meet at my school. Maybe I could get involved with those groups.
Who knows?
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