Is There Anything I Can Say?

I love my life. I walked into school and like 8 of the girls in my class were all praying for my friend who was speaking in chapel. I go to English class, the teacher has us separate into groups to pray for the person speaking in chapel. Before chapel I get to go up and pray for her.

She had the most amazing message...

And then the song they played afterwards "Inside Out" by Hillsong. The Holy Spirit was there. My hands were literally shaking... my whole body was shaking. All I could do was sing and sing and sing. I didn't care about anything else. Thank you God. You have changed my life! I pray that you will do the same with everyone at my school. I love them all so much.


But for now, thank you so much. I simply cannot believe how much you are at work in my school, my church, my youth group, and my life...

You truly are my hero.

Keep Moving

I have so much! Amazing friends, a fantastic family, basically everything a girl could want. I am so happy, yet SO impatient. I hate just hanging around my house! I hate being bored!

 I wish things could just be like, go, go, go! All the time...

 I took a personality test, and I came up as an introvert. Which means that I need to be alone to "recharge", verses an extrovert who needs to be around people to "recharge".

I'm a really weird introvert. I have to be alone to recharge, but if I'm alone for too long I get depressed. And right now, at this point in time, "too long" is like... more than 10 minutes.

This doesn't include my family...  I love them to death. Don't get me wrong! It's just... they don't count as "people"... hahaha

Friends, friend's families, even friends of my parents.... they count as "people".


Do you understand what I'm trying to say?



Good...


Cause I don't.... (;

For Those Who Wait by Fireflight

I love it when I find a song that has lyrics that fit my exact situation. I love songs that put words to my emotions, when I can't. Today that song was "For Those Who Wait" by Fireflight.

"This is for those who wait,

Another day another waiting game
A little different but it's still the same
I am here but where's the one I'm longing for?

I'm having troubles feeling all alone
Will my heart ever find a home?
I want to hope but sometimes I just don't know
I know I'm not the only one

So you sing a lullaby
To the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire
Let it set you free

When you're fighting to believe
In a love that you can't see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait..."

Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde

"Do you ever feel like you've become the worst version of yourself?" -You've Got Mail

I love this quote... mainly because it seems to fit me right now. Today, I saw myself in the mirror, and I thought, "You look the same way you did in middle school, you look the same way you did at your old highschool. You're the same girl, nothing has changed! Who are you trying to kid? Stop putting on this 'fake' version of yourself!"

That lie stuck with me all day. Everything I did, everything I said, everything I thought was shadowed by that wicked lie, "You haven't changed a bit! You're fake..."

So I did the only thing I knew how to do- I prayed. But I wasn't sincere. Honestly, I felt sorry for myself. I know that I am not the same girl I once was. But I also know that I'm not perfect. I'm gonna screw up, and today I did just that. I let fear hold me back. I knew how I should act in a certain situation, but I deliberately acted a different way. I'm sorry Abba, I let you down. But I know you still love me. You forgive me. And I can never thank you enough for that.

The devil may lie to me, he may tell me that I'm the same girl that I was, that I am fake, terrified, unloved, and invisible. I refuse to believe it! I will NOT allow the devil to take away what my Abba has given me this past semester- courage, faith, trust, and most importantly, His love! I will NOT allow him to convince me that I am fake, terrified, unloved, or invisible! Abba's love is my safety net. Even when others let me down, (or I think they've let me down), my Abba is still there for me.



"And by Him we cry, "Abba, Father!" Romans 8:15

Valentine's Day... Oh snap...

Lots of "who-likes-who" drama at school right before Valentine's Day... it's hilarious.... and lots of opportunities to tease my friends about the people they like (;



.... I love it. <3

Anti-Social

You know, this never used to happen to me... feeling lonely on the weekends. It used to be that I lived for the weekends, I lived for a chance to get away from school, drama, and all that jazz. But now, I love the people I'm around every week, and I never see them on the weekends. Weekends make me feel anti-social hahaha

"Never Gonna Be Alone" By Nickelback

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.
Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,
So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall...
Never gonna be alone!
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,
'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

Oh!
You've gotta live every single day,
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Don't let it slip away,
Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.
Every single day,
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Tomorrow never comes...

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

I'm gonna be there always,
I won't be missing one more day,
I'm gonna be there always,
I won't be missing one more day.

Yet Again... I stand amazed...

Wow. God, really? Again!? Sometimes God is just so awesome He completely blows my mind (: He let me suffer such extreme loneliness that I thought I would die. But now He's rewarded me with so many great friends I don't even know what to say! It's like I was dying to have one friend, just one friend who was completely sincere and I could tell them anything. After I learned to trust God first, He's given me four people that I feel like I could go to about anything. And counting! It's so amazing just what God can/will do if only you will trust him. Two months ago I wouldn't have believed any of this could happen... but I trusted, and it hurt too. But I trusted, and now... *sigh* All I can think of is this line in a song->

"Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever!"

And yet again... I stand amazed... <3

On Fire

In class today we were talking about what we wanted in a spouse. Since we're reading Romeo and Juliet, our teacher asked us if we would trust our parents to arrange a marriage for us. I was the only one who said I would. A few kids said, "I wouldn't trust my mom! She'd pick someone too... 'Christian'..."

The teacher replied, "What do you mean too 'Christian?"

"Well, she'd pick someone who all they focused on was God. And I want to marry someone who isn't all about God."

The teacher said, "So basically, you want a fake Christian?"

Another student cut in, "No! Just someone I can ask how there day was without them saying, 'Praise the Lord!'"

"Exactly!" the first student agreed.

They added some other comments that implied that they wanted a spouse who isn't sold out for God. Just "interested" in God. Someone who has "Christian-like" qualities, but not a Christian with godly qualities.

That's just crazy to me... I want to marry someone who is totally and completely sold out and on fire for God! They don't have to be perfect- they can have problems. I just want them to take those problems to God. If they love God more than anything else, they'll love me more than they ever could without God.

*Sigh*

It was a rough morning. To say the least...  hard to explain, but I got into arguments with both my parents and my sister. When I was finally by myself, I fell to my knees. It's a familiar thing now, falling in desperation before the Lord. I understand now why people always fall to their knees when talking to God. It's a sign of complete dependency. I always hate doing it. It hurts my pride for me to admit to the Creator of the Universe that I can't take care of my own heart.

It hurt even more when He told me that I was wrong. Just like my parents had said. (Although I took it better coming from the perfect, all-powerful God than from my mom and dad.) It hurt to hear him say that I had disobeyed, and that I was wrong. But it was worth it to hear right after,

"Beloved, you're not perfect. But I still love you."

He still loves me. He always will. No matter how many times I mess up, He will always love me.

Wow... haha

What's On My Mind

Why is it that after a long day of school, all I can focus on are the things that went wrong with my day?
Today for example, I realized that some friendships I had been hoping would grow into really strong relationships (friendships), probably aren't going to do that. And it's not like anything awful happened, it just hit me. Why am I wasting my time focusing on something that isn't going to happen unless God wants it to? If He wants it to become a strong, healthy friendship, it will. If not, it won't.

I should be focusing on the great things that happened today. I laughed harder than I've laughed in a long time. And just the fact that I laughed, at all, is something. Two months ago, I would leave school and come home and sob. Sometimes I couldn't even make it that long and I would have to go into the bathroom and cry. Why? Because guys gave me looks like I was the ugliest thing they'd ever seen. Girls wouldn't even look at me. And I hadn't done anything wrong... but here, at this new highschool, I feel so loved. And so what if this particular friendship doesn't quite work out? I have more friends and more opportunities to make friends, than I ever had or ever could have at the other school.

So, even what I consider to be a "bad" day at this school, is a fantastic day compared to what I had. The Lord has done so much for me. And I am so grateful (:

Just FYI

Just a little FYI, if you read my earliest posts about my current school situation, they have changed. I'm not ready just yet to share the full extent of my story about how I came to leave my highschool. But I'll tell you all that you need to know.

Glance back at my post "Have You Ever?" In it I talk about how I left a school that went from Pre-K to 12th grade and moved to a school that goes from Pre-K to 12th grade. I also mentioned how much I struggled at the new school.

Well, do to some fantastic circumstances beyond my control, I left my "new" school this second semester and went back to my "old" school. So just a little FYI whenever I'm talking about school, I'm talking about the one I'm attending right now. My "old" one (: