Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving, it's the one time of year where people might actually stop in think about all their blessings...

Have You Ever....

You know that game when people ask you, "Have you ever ______ ?" (You fill in the blank with something you've done/felt.) Well, I think it would come as quite a shock to people if I was to ask, "Have you ever felt so lonely you could hardly breathe?"

   I am new to a school that goes from preschool to 12th grade, so everybody knows everybody except for me and a couple new kids. I came from a school that goes through preschool to 12th grade also, so most of my friends are still in the same class. I went to school and for a week I went everyday feeling like I was going to vomit. I cried every morning, which messed up my make-up, which made me look awful, which made me feel even more miserable and unconfident... I came home halfway through the day several times that week because I literally felt ill. I would sit in my room and groan. I felt this stabbing, searing pain deep inside. When I was by myself at my house I would literally scream out, "Why?!?! God why would you let this happen to me?! If you really do exist why would you do this to me?! Why do you have to break my heart like this? I miss my friends, I miss the place where I felt at home! I hate this school! I hate it! I hate it!"

I practically gave up on God and Christianity. Because he never seemed to answer my desperate cries. 

"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." I Kings 19:11-12

Then one night, as I was crying myself to sleep, he answered me. And just like in I Kings it was in a quiet, comforting whisper. He told me, "You are at this school this year for a reason. This year you will rediscover who you are. You will be yourself, but how I meant for you to be... a girl who loves beautifully."

And at that moment I felt so much love it is impossible to describe! I haven't felt anywhere near as lonely as I felt that first week. Not since that promise that the Lord gave me, and the happiness that I felt. Now I really do believe that God is real and that he loves me. I'm still struggling... but at least now I feel like I have a reason to.

I Wish...

      Do you ever wish that you could go back and do something over again with the knowledge that you have now? I do... ALL the time... I wish I could relive all of my middle school experience over again... I would have loved the people that now I miss, I would have avoided certain people who hurt me, and I would have felt so much more free. If only...

     But I guess it's true. We never realize what we have until it's gone.

What Should I Do?

I just finished reading a short story written by a kid in my high school. In an attempt to be friendly, I offered to read this story of his. I read the first few pages, and was offended right away by his careless use of cuss words and racist expressions. I shrugged it off though, telling myself that that's how he meant for the story to be. Then he crossed the line, he described a female character in a very insulting manner. And he continued to do so throughout the story! I threw the story on the floor and ran out of my room in disgust. I plan on confronting the kid, but I will honestly say I'm nervous. Is it really worth risking my reputation over a couple of insulting comments? I'm not sure. I'm new at my school, and I'm quiet... so it's not like there's a whole lot at stake... but still.

My Mission

Hey! I go by the name of "No One In Particular" so there's no sense worrying about what my name is. I will tell you that I've endured middle school, and am slowly making my way through high school. I just needed a place to share some of my thoughts and experiences where they might have the chance to encourage someone else. I will warn you, I can be very opinionated. Not really with politics or anything of that sort, (I really can't do anything about whose running my country, so why should I argue?), but with other things. I hope that somehow, some way, somebody will read this humble little blog and know that there is another human being who feels just like they do.