Keep Calm And Carry On

This is a picture of the journal I use for devotionals. Anything I feel like God is telling me, or any of my prayers get written down in here. I've been known to whine, plead, cry, and beg that God provide me with answers as to why things work the way they do in my life right now.

These two verses always get my attention...

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord."
~Psalm 27:14

"For our knowledge is fragmentary and our prophesy is fragmentary, but when the complete and perfect comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away."  ~ 1 Corinthians 13:9-10

Sometimes I just need that reminder. Keep calm. Carry on. Things will all work out in the end, even though I tend to doubt. Keep calm and carry on...

Think For Yourself

It's amazing how easily people can be talked into believing that something is true. If you say it with enough certainty or determination, they'll accept it as truth. (Or at the very least, they'll accept it as something that's probably true.) If it comes from a teacher than it's extremely "believable," even if what the teacher is saying does not relate to their subject whatsoever.

Because yes of course, if a history teacher says something happened in history, the student believes them. If an english teacher points out a symbol in a book, the student agrees. If a math teacher explains the way things work in algebra, the student accepts this.

I'm not the kind of person who says "nothing is true." I'm the kind of person who needs to be absolutely certain before she will agree that something is true.

Truth is a major deal to me, and has been my entire life. If a statement doesn't line up with what I know to be true than I will disregard it, no matter who said it. I love learning new things, but I won't just accept anything as new and important information.

Kids in my class hear things from teachers and say, "Wow, he/she is so smart!" And I wouldn't disagree. I believe that all my teachers are brilliant people. But that doesn't mean they aren't fallible.

Just because they have a lot of opinions, doesn't mean they're always right.

Come on guys, think for yourselves.

You Are More- Tenth Avenue North

I heard the lyrics to this song on the radio the other day. It's frequently played, but this time I paid more attention to the words...


~~~~


There's a girl in the corner 
With tear stains on her eyes 
From the places she's wandered 
And the shame she can't hide 

She says, "How did I get here? 
I'm not who I once was. 
And I'm crippled by the fear, 
That I've fallen too far to love." 

But don't you know who you are, 
What's been done for you? 
Don't you know who you are? 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

Well, she tries to believe it, 
That she's been given new life. 
But she can't shake the feeling, 
That it's not true tonight...

She knows all the answers, 
And she's rehearsed all the lines. 
She'll try to do better 
But then she's too weak to try.

But don't you know who you are? 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

'Cause this is not about what you've done, 
But what's been done for you. 
This is not about where you've been, 
But where your brokenness brings you to. 

This is not about what you feel, 
But what He felt to forgive you, 
And what He felt to make you loved. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

You've been remade 
You've been remade. 
You've been remade. 
You've been remade. 

First Day of School

Man, I love my high school (:

- One of my friends announced that my World Civ teacher would make an excellent garden gnome. (It was meant in a totally complimentary way of course haha)

- And in my last class one of my friends tried to make the teacher forget about their subject by putting a Harry Potter "curse" on them. (She wasn't really cursing them I promise...)

It's been an odd, yet interesting day. It's a million times better than my first day of school last year where I went to school in tears, and came home in tears. I cannot say this enough times... I love my high school. (:

Wait... What?

My Chemistry book just attributed the entire downfall of the Roman Empire to lead poisoning...

1.) Lead poisoning gave Roman leaders brain damage
2.) The brain damage caused Roman leaders to make stupid decisions
3.) These stupid decisions resulted in the downfall of Rome

...wait, what?

What's Spanish For "I'm So Dead"?

Okay, so it doesn't have to be said in Spanish. But still that was pretty much my first thought when I walked into Spanish II class this morning. I'm a sophomore this year, and we have so. much. school. work.

I don't know how I'm going to survive! I'm taking Chemistry honors, Spanish II, Algebra II honors, World Civ II, and English II honors.

My World Civ teacher is known for the ridiculously hard tests and homework assignments that he gives. On the bright side, it seems to be a pretty relaxed class, as opposed to my last history teacher who would scream at you for breathing too loudly. Example being, the class spent half of the period discussing his beard. (Yeah guys. My World Civ teacher reminds me of Hagrid from Harry Potter. Oh and you know what else? His wife dressed up as Hermione to go see the new movie. lol)

My Algebra teacher is also known for being a hard teacher, so I'm going to do my best to get on her good side ;P I'm still extremely nervous, I've heard Algebra II is pretty hard and I'm not a math person AT all. So basically, first day of school I have 60-90 math problems, to finish a 3-4 page paper (can't complain about that one since I've had all summer to do it), and who know's what else! I'm semi-panicking. 

But I'll survive. I have amazing friends, brilliant teachers, and a great school. It's gonna be a good year(: 

Facebook Jealousy

Is it weird that I'm jealous of people who have facebook "pages"? Like friends of mine who have small high school bands. They have their own facebook pages.

I want one!!!

But I have nothing to make it about... I thought about doing "No One In Particular" and simply making it an extension of my blog, but that could give away to my facebook friends who I am... and the whole point of this blog is that the majority of people who stumble across it don't know who I am. So that's not gonna work out ): If I knew of a "cause" I could support, I would happily run the facebook page for it. But I don't.

I'm also jealous of people who use Twitter. I've always wanted to have a Twitter account but was never allowed. Isn't there a way I can set up Twitter to sync with my blog? There has to be.

Anyway, just brainstorming here. If you have any ideas on what I could make a facebook page about, let me know? (; haha

Rascal Flatts Saves The Day

I know a lot of people hate country music. I have a friend who throws herself onto the floor, covers her ears, and yells, "Ugh! There's no way that counts as music!!!"

Yeah. She's that dramatic about it.

I love country music, so my friend and I are always getting into arguments. My favorite country band is Rascal Flatts (: The song that's been playing over and over in my head this week is by them. It's called These Days.

"Yeah, life throws you curves
But you learned to swerve
Me, I swung and I missed
And the next thing you know, I'm reminiscing
Dreaming old dreams
Wishing old wishes
Like you would be back again

I wake up in teardrops that fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed,
Punch the clock, head for home, check the phone just in case,
Go to bed, dream of you,
That's what I'm doing these days..."

Time To Get Writing Again

I've been putting off writing for a long time. Not because I don't enjoy it, but because I've had no real inspiration. Today I visited a group of writers who critique each other's work. There's a good amount of people that come, out of all of them, I'm pretty sure I was the only one under the age of 20. I was a little bit intimidated at first but I decided that if I can't be a Rebelutionary* here in a Christian writing group, than I can't be one anywhere.

The Lord really came through for me. All the women I ran into talked to me like I was just another writer. It didn't feel like I had that usual,"Sorry I'm a teenager and am not intelligent enough to understand you," sign stamped across my forehead.

I was even more nervous about the critiquing though. I'm not allowed to have any of my work critiqued until I've visited twice, but still, I was curious to see how they did it. They would say one thing they liked about the piece, then their critiques, and then another thing they enjoyed. It didn't sound forced or unbelievable when the writers gave each other compliments. It really inspired me.

It's time to get writing again (:

*www.therebelution.com

Good-Bye.

We put my dog Teddy to sleep today. It broke my heart. I've had him since I was in the first grade. I remember picking him out when he was only a week or two old and then coming back to get him when he was old enough to leave his mother. I came up with the name "Teddy" because at 6 years old I thought he looked a whole lot like a teddy bear. I brought him in for show-and-tell one time in the first grade, telling everyone he was a Collie. Until I found out that he was actually a Shetland Sheepdog.

He was my little pal (: I remember coming home one day from middle school unable to believe that my friends could be so mean. He came prancing into my room and let me pet him while I cried.

I feel silly for being so emotional about having to put him down. It was time to do it. He went from being a healthy weight to being 17 pounds in just a couple of months. He was practically blind and was losing his hearing. It was better for him. But he was really special to me. I've grown up with my sweet little Teddy being around. I'll miss him so much.

Everything Is Under Control

"He set the earth on it's foundations; it can never be moved." - Psalm 104:5

We all have our issues. One of mine? I always expect insults wrapped in compliments. Sometimes consciously, and sometimes I expect them unconsciously. I expect a critique, a correction, a problem needing to be fixed. Maybe that's why I never believe people when they compliment me. The Lord has been trying to make me believe it when other people say good things about me, and it's working for the most part. At least, with people outside of my own family.

The biggest obstacle I have to get past is the question I am constantly asking myself.

"What's wrong with this?"

I've asked myself this question as long as I can remember. At first it was just to avoid the critiques and corrections I had come to expect. If I asked myself what was wrong, then maybe I could fix the issue before someone else pointed it out. If I didn't fix it, and I was corrected, I felt like I had failed. I was a disappointment. Slowly but surely, as I grew older and experienced real rejection for the first time, this question transitioned from "what's wrong with this" to "whats wrong with me".

I couldn't figure out why people rejected me, but I assumed there must be something really wrong. Remember how I said that if I didn't figure out the problem, I expected someone else to point it out? Since then I've had this horrible fear that if someone gets to know me well enough, they'll finally see the issue that I couldn't. And then they'll leave me. Reject me. Abandon me.

I never talk about my struggles unless I've overcome them. I rarely tell people when I'm in them. Because I fear that any weakness I show could be the thing that makes them abandon me. I pretend to be strong, even when I'm not. I try to be strong to keep everything together. To keep people from abandoning me. To keep my world from falling apart.

Is it really that simple though? Does God really have it all under control? Little mistakes I make or weaknesses I allow others to know about- aren't going to cause the world to fall apart? That's a lot to absorb since my thought process has been the complete opposite.

He's got everything under control. I don't have to keep the world from falling apart. What a relief... (:

"He set the earth on it's foundations; it can never be moved..." 

Who Knows?

So, as a Christian teen I deal with all kinds of drama... there's...

Drama at school.

Drama with my family.

Drama with friends

And... 

Drama at church. 

My family recently left the church we've been attending for five or six years. I was involved with the youth group but I've never been really attached to it. Maybe to certain friends, but never to the actual youth group. My parents feel like God wants them to not go to church for a while and just take Sundays to spend time with Him. And they love it. But I'm having a harder time. 

I've tried to stay and reconnect with the youth group at our previous church. That hasn't been going so well... some of the kids there are still friends with me, but since I've been gone for so long and my family isn't involved anymore- I feel like an outsider. Just the other night one of the students said to me, "Where've you been? I mean you come once, then ditch us, and go around to other churches being a traitor." I was too surprised to respond. I thought that he might be partly joking, so I asked him about it again later that evening. He said, "Yeah, you guys, (referring to my family), are like traitors 'cause you don't go to our church anymore." 

I left youth group feeling awful and guilty. It's not my fault God led my parents to leave the church! The only reason I continue to go is because I feel guilty for not going. I'm praying that God will show me where He wants me to be. Or if I even should be in a youth group, after all there are usually small groups that meet at my school. Maybe I could get involved with those groups. 

Who knows?

The Inconsolable Secret

"In speaking of this desire for our own far-off country, which we find in ourselves even now, I feel a certain shyness. I am almost committing an indecency. I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you- the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence; the secret also which pierces with such sweetness that when, in very intimate conversation, the mention of it becomes imminent, we grow awkward and affect to laugh at ourselves; the secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both. We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name. Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that settled the matter. Wordsworth's expedient was to identify it with certain moments in his own past. But all this is a cheat. If Wordsworth had gone back to those moments in the past, he would not have found the thing itself, but only the reminder of it; what he remembered would turn out to be itself a remembering. The books or music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things-the beauty, the memory of our own past- are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited. Do you think I am trying to weave a spell? Perhaps I am; but remember your fairy tales. Spells are used for breaking enchantments as well as inducing them. And you and I have need of the strongest spell that can be found to wake us from the evil enchantment of worldliness which has been laid upon us for nearly a hundred years." C.S. Lewis (The Weight of Glory)


C.S. Lewis describes it much better than I ever could... our 'inconsolable secret'.

The Hunger Games- Revised

I wrote that last post less than what, two hours ago? But already I've developed different feelings about this book series.

I tend to compare books and literature in general to food. Yes, it's weird I know. But think about it, (for all you other literature nerds out there), when you start a book the first few chapters either draw you in or bore you. Silly as it sounds, it's similar to a meal. After the first few bites you either think, "This tastes pretty good," or, "Ehh, I'm not a huge fan of this..." Then as you go further into the story, it either gets better or stays good enough for you to continue reading.

The ending of a story is just as important, if not more important than the beginning. It's what the readers walk away with. It's how they remember the book. It's what stays with them. You can have an amazing book or series of books and still end them poorly. A bad ending to a great book is like a bad aftertaste to a great meal. Yes, I know it's a silly example, but it works for me.  

A good writer should know how to end a story well. I'll admit I love "too good to be true" endings for books. But even so,  a good ending doesn't necessarily have to mean a happy ending. The Hunger Games had neither. I would have preferred a totally depressing, yet beautifully written ending to the pitiful, almost-sorta-kinda-happy-ending that I was given. 

The Hunger Games

I just finished the book series, "The Hunger Games." I first heard about these books at my old high school. That didn't really make me want to rush out and buy them. I had several other friends recommend them who said, "They're kind of violent, but a really good story." I'm not sure why I was so set against them, but it took two relatives teaming up on me to get me to start this series.

Once I started them, I couldn't stop. The first book is the best out of the three by far, (Isn't it always?), but it ended on a cliff-hanger so I simply had to keep reading. The books got even more dark and depressing as I continued, so occasionally I had to set them down. But I was too attached to the characters and too wrapped up in the plot to give up on them. I finished the last book today. It was an o.k. ending, but I think Suzanne Collins could have done a much better job. She spent the entire book addressing how depressing the world was... and then resolved it with two pages of happiness. I was hoping for better. Either way, it's a very good series with an interesting plot. Definitely one worth reading.