Happy New Years!!!

Well, Happy New Years Eve to be exact (; I had a great 2010... well... actually it was a pretty hard year. But I met some amazing people... so it was still a good year (:

He Is Enough For Me

I’m no different than anybody else. When I’m hurting or feeling alone, my first reaction is to cover it up and pretend it’s not true. But that kills me inside. I’ve always tried my best to put on a fake smile, and build up a nice secure wall to keep people from seeing how broken I am. I tried for so long to pretend I had it all together, even at a young age I pretended that I was perfect. That everything was great. And when that failed miserably, I went a different route. I decided that if I couldn’t disguise myself and make myself look perfect, then I would just hide my weaknesses completely.  I buried my anger, my fear, pieces of my broken heart; I buried my grudges, my hate, and in the process, I buried my voice. I buried me down so deep inside myself, that I almost forgot who I was.

            It may sound great “burying” or “hiding” things like anger and fear, but when you put poison way down in the soil, the plants that grow on the surface wither and die.  So now I’m done trying to hide all of my problems. No, I’m not going to go on and on about all my issues but hey, I’m not afraid of them being seen. I’m not afraid to cry. I feel like the Lord has (and is still) allowing me to prove how strong I can be. I don’t need to fight back tears to prove that anymore. I may not be perfect, I may be broken and bruised, but I’m trying with everything I’ve got to do what the Lord wants. And His perfection is enough for me. His overflowing love is enough for me. He is enough for me. And He will always, always be. 

Christmas Eve

It's Christmas Eve... but it doesn't feel like it... I'm with family who loves me, but family thats completely lost. I wish there was someway I could show them how much love they're missing! How much joy is right there! But it's pointless. Only the Holy Spirit can change someone's heart. Not me...

A C.S. Lewis Quote (:

Everyone has heard people quarreling. Sometimes it sounds funny and sometimes it sounds merely unpleasant; but however it sounds, I believe we can learn something very important from listening to the kind of things they say. They say things like this: 'How'd you like it if anyone did the same to you?' - 'That's my seat, I was there first' - 'Leave him alone, he isn't doing you any harm' - 'Give me a bit of your orange, I gave you a bit of mine.' People say things like that everyday, educated people and uneducated people, and children as well as grown-ups. 

Now what interests me about all these remarks is that the man who makes them is not merely saying that the other man's behavior does not happen to please him. He is appealing to some kind of standard of behavior which he expects the other man to know about. And the other man very seldom replies: "To hell with your standard." Nearly always he tries to make out that what he has been doing does not really go against the standard, or that if it does there is some special excuse. He pretends that there is some special reason in this particular case why the person who took the seat first should not keep it, or that things were quite different when he was given the bit of orange. It looks, in fact, very much as if both parties had in mind the same kind of Law or Rule of fair play or decent behavior or morality or whatever you like to call it, about which they really agreed. Quarreling means to show that the other man is in the wrong.

And there would be no sense in trying to do that unless you and he had some sort of agreement as to what Right and Wrong are; just as there is no sense saying that a footballer had committed a foul unless there was some agreement about the rules of football. 

- "Mere Christianity" by C. S. Lewis

Start Here

I'm very excited! I just bought Alex and Brett Harris' new book, Start Here. It's a "sequel" to their first book called Do Hard Things. (Check out 'The Rebelution' link -> )  The book Do Hard Things is about teenagers rebelling against low expectations. Because its true isn't it? No one expects much from us teens. We're not expected to be able to carry on a normal conversation with an adult. We're expected to be focused on drugs, sex, and alcohol. We aren't expected to want ANYTHING to do with our families, specifically our parents.

That's just pathetic! I know plenty of teenagers (including me) who can and will carry on interesting conversations with adults. I know plenty of teenagers (including me) who aren't involved in or focused on drugs, sex, or alcohol. I know plenty of teenagers (once again, including me) who love their families and love to spend time with them. But you know whats so funny? It always, always, always, shocks people. Parents who have rebellious teens are stunned when they see even just one teenager who loves the Lord, is respectful, and smart.

If you haven't read "Do Hard Things" or "Start Here," I highly recommend that you do (:

"Yellow Shirt"

I heard this song called "Yellow Shirt" (by The Icarus Account) the other day. The chorus went like this:

"Cause when she acts like herself, I swear that she outshines everyone else.
But she's been feeling alone and no one's fine on their own, don't you know?
She's been wearing grey, without a thought of change,
And I've been desperately,
Trying to make her see,
That even when it rains,
The sun is still ablaze,
And right here in the dark,
She is my shining star..."

It was the sweetest song (:

Uh Guys??? It's Almost 2011!

The last day of school before Christmas Break, a girl said to me, "Merry Christmas! And Happy New Year!" I replied, "Merry Christmas!"

Then I was just like, "WHOA! Wait a second! New Years? Like 2011? Not possible..."

It feels like 10 seconds ago I was celebrating 2010!!! It seems like only 9 seconds ago I was struggling through 8th grade... only 8 seconds ago I was in Washington DC with my friends on a field trip (: only 7 seconds ago I was at my 8th grade dance and then on summer vacation... only 6 seconds ago I became a highschooler.... only 5 seconds ago I was a miserable mess, I missed my friends more than I could bear, and I was failing in every subject at school.... only 4 seconds ago the Lord changed my world.... only 3 seconds ago I realized just how much I have taken for granted.... only 2 seconds ago that I finished exams and started a much needed break... only 1 second ago that I realized just how many people love me <3 

And right now? Right now I'm enjoying doing nothing (:

That's What You Get

So a kid in my class has a crush on one of my friends. He told me he wanted to ask her out. I didn't really mind this, I don't like him or anything. So I asked him why he liked her...

"She's hot!"was his answer.
"Do you even know her?" I asked.
"Well, not really, what's she like?" he said.

What he doesn't know is that although she's my friend, she treats her boyfriends like crap. She'll probably date him for a week or two (max) and then dump him. I tried to warn him, but he asked her out anyways.

Sorry kid, she's gonna break your heart. But I can't say he doesn't deserve it. This kid acts like he's God's gift to all highschool girls. I think it shocked him when I didn't fall head over heels for him. If she breaks your heart, I won't feel bad for you AT ALL. Why? Cause thats what you get when you only like somebody for their looks. You should've waited for a girl who actually cares about you, a girl who actually wants to talk to you, a girl who will be loyal to you.

So if she breaks your heart, sorry, but thats what you get!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving, it's the one time of year where people might actually stop in think about all their blessings...

Have You Ever....

You know that game when people ask you, "Have you ever ______ ?" (You fill in the blank with something you've done/felt.) Well, I think it would come as quite a shock to people if I was to ask, "Have you ever felt so lonely you could hardly breathe?"

   I am new to a school that goes from preschool to 12th grade, so everybody knows everybody except for me and a couple new kids. I came from a school that goes through preschool to 12th grade also, so most of my friends are still in the same class. I went to school and for a week I went everyday feeling like I was going to vomit. I cried every morning, which messed up my make-up, which made me look awful, which made me feel even more miserable and unconfident... I came home halfway through the day several times that week because I literally felt ill. I would sit in my room and groan. I felt this stabbing, searing pain deep inside. When I was by myself at my house I would literally scream out, "Why?!?! God why would you let this happen to me?! If you really do exist why would you do this to me?! Why do you have to break my heart like this? I miss my friends, I miss the place where I felt at home! I hate this school! I hate it! I hate it!"

I practically gave up on God and Christianity. Because he never seemed to answer my desperate cries. 

"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." I Kings 19:11-12

Then one night, as I was crying myself to sleep, he answered me. And just like in I Kings it was in a quiet, comforting whisper. He told me, "You are at this school this year for a reason. This year you will rediscover who you are. You will be yourself, but how I meant for you to be... a girl who loves beautifully."

And at that moment I felt so much love it is impossible to describe! I haven't felt anywhere near as lonely as I felt that first week. Not since that promise that the Lord gave me, and the happiness that I felt. Now I really do believe that God is real and that he loves me. I'm still struggling... but at least now I feel like I have a reason to.

I Wish...

      Do you ever wish that you could go back and do something over again with the knowledge that you have now? I do... ALL the time... I wish I could relive all of my middle school experience over again... I would have loved the people that now I miss, I would have avoided certain people who hurt me, and I would have felt so much more free. If only...

     But I guess it's true. We never realize what we have until it's gone.

What Should I Do?

I just finished reading a short story written by a kid in my high school. In an attempt to be friendly, I offered to read this story of his. I read the first few pages, and was offended right away by his careless use of cuss words and racist expressions. I shrugged it off though, telling myself that that's how he meant for the story to be. Then he crossed the line, he described a female character in a very insulting manner. And he continued to do so throughout the story! I threw the story on the floor and ran out of my room in disgust. I plan on confronting the kid, but I will honestly say I'm nervous. Is it really worth risking my reputation over a couple of insulting comments? I'm not sure. I'm new at my school, and I'm quiet... so it's not like there's a whole lot at stake... but still.

My Mission

Hey! I go by the name of "No One In Particular" so there's no sense worrying about what my name is. I will tell you that I've endured middle school, and am slowly making my way through high school. I just needed a place to share some of my thoughts and experiences where they might have the chance to encourage someone else. I will warn you, I can be very opinionated. Not really with politics or anything of that sort, (I really can't do anything about whose running my country, so why should I argue?), but with other things. I hope that somehow, some way, somebody will read this humble little blog and know that there is another human being who feels just like they do.