More About My Life...

Today I went to lunch with a few friends of mine. (Several guys and two other girls.) I don't know what happened to me... I was fine before we showed up, and I was fine talking to some of the guys... but at some point during lunch, I could feel myself getting nervous. When I get nervous, I go brain dead. Like literally. My mind goes blank. I can want to say something, but I don't have anything to say... I get tongue-tied. The best thing I can compare it to is writer's block. 'Cause I don't stutter or anything. I hate it. 

After lunch we went to see a movie, and throughout everything I was still 'brain dead'. There was nothing I could think of to say. Then the moment the guys and other girl left, and it was just me and my close friend... I felt everything come rushing back to me. I made a joke and my friend and her mom laughed. 

Why couldn't I have been that person 10 minutes before??? 

Maybe that's why it bothers me so much when people call me 'quiet'. Because, I'm not. I'm quiet compared to some people. And true, I don't need to be the center of attention always. In fact, I don't like being the center of attention at all. But I'm not a quiet person. With close friends and family- I hardly ever shut up. I can make people laugh easily, I can converse easily, I'm my normal self. When I'm 'quiet', I'm either listening to what someone else is saying, I'm tired, or I'm nervous. I had a World Civ. teacher last year address our class before a test, "Now nobody talk! You're too loud." Then she looked over at me and said in front of the whole class, "Well not you. You're the quietest person on the face of this earth." 

She said it like I was this nobody who had nothing of value to say. Is that how my class sees me? I don't think so. But they do have some things confused. All the kids who don't know me too well sign my yearbook, "You're so sweet and kind..." My close friends say stuff like, "kind, sassy, strong, always there for me." My close friends always get it right. The last adjective I would use to describe myself would be 'sweet'. I'm not a mean person... I'm just not 'sweet'. 

Go watch Jane Austin's Emma. Look at Emma's personality, and you've practically just seen my personality. Would you describe Emma as 'sweet' or 'too quiet'?