Oh Hello Junior Year.

Since I've totally exhausted my parents by talking non-stop about my first day of school and I'm pretty much out of breath, I'll tell you guys how it went.

Awesome.

Yup, that basically sums up my first day as a junior. It didn't start out that way though...

My first class of the day is Physics. I literally could not breath when I walked into class I was so nervous. It's the one class where there's just no hope for me-- I'm going to end up looking like an idiot at some point. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding... why? Because I didn't know the answers to any of the questions my teacher was asking, and I was terrified that he might call on me to answer. Before you judge me for being that scared about something so common, please keep in mind that just four years ago, I would go entire days without speaking. I've come a long way since then. 

The real proof of that is that half way through my Physics class I realized that I had to do something. So I had a little conversation in my head and told myself, "Look. You're going to look like an idiot sometime in this class this year, if not on a regular basis. Calm down, breathe, you're okay." And I'm not sure if it was my little pep talk or the fact that I understood when my teacher started talking about trig, but either way, I calmed down after that. 

By Pre-Calculus I was feeling much much better. My teacher is amazing, (you know it's awesome to have a math teacher who actually knows more than I do...), she's an excellent teacher and she really knows what she's talking about. 

After those two classes, my day is an absolute breeze. I'm in Yearbook this year, which is very exciting. I'll be honest though, I'm a bit intimidated by my fellow classmates in yearbook. I'm not so nervous anymore, but around talkative people I tend to shut up and just listen. There's only two other kids in my class period, but they both talk a lot. haha And there's nothing wrong with that! One of them is one of my absolute best friends (: It's just a bit intimidating being, well, being me next to them. But I'm looking forward to it. Maybe I can surprise some people. 

Then my next two classes are just a Bible class and a study hall, which basically means I don't have to think for two entire class periods. Nice. 

My last class of the day is AP Language, which is both exciting and extremely intimidating. All of my friends have me labeled as the English genius-- but I'm not. 

I'm not a genius at all. 

I'm not the best writer in my class. I'm terrible when it comes to interpreting the meanings of poems or stories. And I don't know the most about various books that all "bookish" people have read.

I'm not the best at anything in my English classes... I just love it the most.

It's my passion. So honestly I don't care how much I screw up, or how much I have to correct myself, just as long as I get to learn from it. That's really all I want... to get better and better and better. But my friends still refer to me as the "genius" and although it's a nice compliment, I can't live up to it on a regular basis. In fact, I'm really quiet in my English classes. I don't contribute a lot to discussions even when I have my own opinion (I always have an opinion) because I don't want to risk looking like an idiot. Even with my own friends, if they ask me how I got a certain answer, I'll tell them and then say, "But I'm not positive!" Even though I am. 

That way if I mess up, if I make a mistake, or if I end up looking clueless, I have an excuse. I think that's something God is going to work on with me this year. I'm not especially looking forward to it.

So anyway, that's basically my day. (And that's not even all I have to say about it.) If you managed to hang in there and read this whole thing then thank you. I appreciate it. 

I'm really looking forward to this year.